Saturday, February 12, 2011

Valentines Day Memo From Multinational Corpco.


EFFECTIVE February 14, 2011


Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

So in closing, on behalf of "Multinational Corpco. Corp. Inc.," we want to wish all employees a Happy Valentines Day….Now get you ass back to work!! You have already spent too much unproductive time reading this mandatory Memo.


  1. I wouldn't limit this attitude to multinational corporations. There's plenty of national corporations with the same attitude. The worker-friendly family business is becoming a rarity.

  2. Hello Jerry Critter,
    Yes your statement is very true. The everyday worker has been under attack for the past 30 years. Once the unions were destroyed, there has been no one to keep any company’s leadership in check so, “Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely.”

    Here in the U.S. worker’s salaries have been stagnant or even declined for the last 15 years but upper management of these same companies has grown by exponential leaps and bounds.

    I like to give the first hand example of United Airlines in the early 2000s. I was a Regional Sales Manager for a company and I was flying to my Northern California Territory. I was catching a commuter hop from Las Angles to San Jose and the person sitting beside me was a United Airline Hostess headed to San Jose where she was going to start work with her first flight leaving San Jose.

    She was complaining how Upper Management and the United Pilot’s / Hostess Union negotiated pay cuts with United to keep the company afloat. If they had not taken the pay cut the company would have to go Bankrupt.

    But before the ink was even dry on the new contract, Upper Management of United awarded themselves $100s of Million Dollars to split up among themselves, “Because they did a good job in negotiating pay cuts from the workers union.”

    Bottom line, Upper Management has the attitude of “Horary For Me, The Hell With You!”

    Workers get “Unemployment Lines,” “Upper Management gets Golden Parachutes!”

  3. The worker-friendly family business is becoming a rarity.

    It's the Dollar, Stupid! To hell with any humanitarian nonsense- get to the bottom line!

  4. Hello Muddy,
    As Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit,” and you have nailed it. That is why I chose the Dollar Bill folded as a heart picture; it spoke a thousand words on so many levels.

  5. BUt origami heart valentines are my favorite! I hope I get lots of them!
    I worked for a railroad and was so thankful for the Unions. The rest of my working life has been either working for small quirky companies or for myself. I was my own worst boss. I was heartless and cruel so I went on strike...10 years later, I'm still on strike!

  6. Hello Microdot,
    You keep stead fast on that strike. :-) 10 years is just a snap in time when you look at the big perspective. Good Luck with that. Viva La Microdot Revolution!!!

  7. I work for my wife now, but at least she feeds me.

  8. Hello Microdot,
    I am glad to hear that your wife feeds you.....Mine keeps me around as her love slave. :-)

  9. Let's hear it for Libertarianism, which will ensure that we become slaves.

  10. Boy, what an anti-labor place THAT must be! ;-)

    Engineer of Knowledge, it may interest you to note that my next 3 posts will be dedicated to proving how the Republican Party has been captured by a bunch of crazies and how it has been driven ever-rightward. As a TRUE Republican who abhors all this Tea Party crap, I think you'll enjoy it.

  11. I wish more republicans were like EoK, but the lunatic right has too much money behind it.