Saturday, February 12, 2011
Valentines Day Memo From Multinational Corpco.
From MULTINATIONAL CORPCO Corp. Inc.
EFFECTIVE February 14, 2011
NEW OFFICE POLICY FOR ALL EMPLOYEES
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
So in closing, on behalf of "Multinational Corpco. Corp. Inc.," we want to wish all employees a Happy Valentines Day….Now get you ass back to work!! You have already spent too much unproductive time reading this mandatory Memo.